This blog is moving

Hey all,

For those that have not given up and still come here... I have moved my blogging to another site which I have found easier to use... also for a change of focus. You can find any new entries now at The Mendicant Mind and Body; random acts of writing from an itinerant soul. Basically I think it better reflects my state of mind and blogging, random and itinerant.

So come and visit there http://brnathan.wordpress.com cause if I'm not here then I'm somewhere else.

Nathan

Leaving the Mater

Well it has to be the shortest job on my record, outside of locums, but I have resigned from my job at the Mater. The reasons are various and complex. The most important being that being tied down to a permanent job would have meant decreasing the number of other 'mission' opportunities. I would have had to have chosen between one or two things of the various offerings that are already stacking up.

I have to admit that I was also not feeling very challenged there compared to the level of autonomy of practice I experienced in remote area nursing. With so many people around to do the work, or wanting to get clinical experience, it often meant my day was fragmented by others coming and going and ending up not feeling as though I had the same connection with the patients as I did up north.

I think where I am headed is trying to find a balance between the 'community mission' and 'nursing mission' opportunities. This will be the challenge for the coming year. Already I have been approached to do 4 locums at Pormpuraaw, up in the Cape, where I was over Christmas - New Year.

Having a little more flexibility has also opened the possibility of spending a month in the Eurpean Province in the later half of the year. For me this will be an opportunity to stop along the road and see where I have come from and where I am going. London, of course, is the place where I began my Franciscan journey; and now I will be heading back there to reflect on that early sense of calling and where I am at now in my Franciscan journey. The end result being to make some move toward a decision to take life vows in SSF. For me this opportunity is as important as my need to find my place in the nursing world.

As they say, if it does not rain it pours - I have also been approached to guage my interest in taking on a school chaplaincy position in Tasmania. Tempting, very tempting, but an offer with not so good timing. But it was certainly nice to be approached.

I will also be using some of the freed up time to do some long needed professional development in nursing.

Pax

Nathan

Where's Nathan

A number of people are requesting to know my whereabouts during the year. So I've installed a Google Calendar to try and add things in as they come up, so you can now know where I am (if its not blocked out them I'm generally in Brisbane at the Friary) and what time I have nothing particularly organised. I won't be putting everything on here, but perhaps just some of the major stuff that people want to know for their various planning needs.

6 Degrees of Separation & a Compliment

I had the evening shift tonight. Fairly constant kind of night, but not quite what one would call hectic. In the midst of the run of the mill events of the evening I discovered on of the children's parents knew the Brothers, and indeed their mother was a friend of our late Br Francis, they also knew several of the longer standing parishioners in our parish. So much for 6 degrees of seperation she said, its more like two.

A second incident happened tonight which made me go home with a smile and feeling that I had made an impact on the people I care for. I had been looking after a young teenage boy who had been feeling quite unwell. Becuase of the frequent need to check on him during the evening we built up a bit of rapport with one another. As I was getting ready to leave he turned to his mum (who he would not let leave his side) and said 'you can go now he can look after me' and then in another breath said, 'he could be my new dad; mum meet my new dad, dad meet my mum'. He then shook my hand and I headed off with a huge feeling of connection with another human being.

There is a sense of intimacy that develops, even during the briefest of moments of time together (particularly in the short actute phases of hospitisation). It is hard to explain, but it is more than just meeting someone, its about being in such a connectedness and openess of trust between one another that one finds a sense of union with the other.

For me, these are moments of divine grace, not too disimiliar as one might experience in the intimacy of the Eucharist. In being together with and for one another but each being still a part from the other there is a bond formed briefly but divinely in which we share being part of one united humanity in love and trust which is established by nature of how we come into relationship. It is these moments when I know with 100% certainty that God calls me to be in such union with others.

Further more I know this is not simply a professional response, its an answering to God's call to be in divine union with others through the ministry of nursing. God continues to give me moments of grace when I can look into the face of God in others and answer 'who will go for me - here I am Lord, send me'.

Blessings to all

A Pilgrimage to the Cape

I told you that I'm hopeless at keeping a diary, blog. However, having had enough hints dropped on me I thought I better write something soon to keep certain people quiet.

Those who know me will know that one of the great struggles - challenges - of my life is to find out how it is that God calls me to live my life according to God's plan for me; because I do believe in the concept of vocation, the belief that each one of us is called to live our lives in dedication to the service of others. Or as the motto of the Mater Hospitals I've recently commenced employment with Pro Deo Et Humanitate - for God and Humanity. I think it was Frederick Buechner who said that a person's vocation is found when their deepest passion meets the world's greatest need. Again, those that know me will know of my passion for remote area nursing. Some will say what is the attraction in dust, flies and endless isolation.

I recently undertook a 7 week remote area nursing locum up on the Cape York Peninsula of North Queensland. The community was once an Anglican Mission but is now under the control of the traditional owners. It is here that one can see the same faces of the sick, poor and marginalised that Christ himself walked among. For Jesus, Francis of Assisi and others God exists in these faces and it is our duty to care for all humanity; especially the least among us. It is in these traditional people that I find a closeness with God's commission; to care for poor and dispossed.

I see them as people who are trying to find a way to live between two worlds. A world of their ancestors and the stories of the dreamtime from whence comes their rich spirituality. And a world of colonisation and the stories of a child who would be King. Living between these worlds seems to have created a place of confusion and disorientation, spiritually, culturally, evolutionally etc. This disorientation has created effects such as poor health, high mortality and morbidity and lack of identity. Part of my sense of calling to be in these communities is a way to be with them in this stuggle. If I can do one thing its to be.

Presence is perhaps one of the greatest gifts one can offer, indeed the Gospel is replete of the ministry of presence between Jesus and the people the rest of society tried to forget. As a nurse, one of the ways in which I can express presence is to simply be there when someone is sick, hurt or injured. Sometimes, like Jesus at the well what we can offer is not only water that gives relief to thirst but might also open the possibility of the acceptance to the offer of life giving water.

It is in these moments of presence that I feel my deepest passion meets the world's greatest need; at least for the small part of the world I experience. So for me, the time up north was more than a simple locum job, it was a small experience in sensing God's call for me in my life. I'll be ever greatful for the welcome I received there and the offer to come again soon. I will, in the mean time, miss being present in that community.

For now, its time to experience life in a different world. To experience presence in my new role as an emergency nurse. Perhaps it too will be part of the way in which God continues to reveal God's divine plan in my life.

Quiet Moments with God

Aparently the 'flavour' of my last post was cause for concern. Although I stand by what I wrote I do realise that it perhaps speaks more about my experience of God than that of others. But not to dwell on it. Rather I want to share two wonderful quiet moments with God I have had recently. On Sunday night I went to visit some very dear friends which ended up with us having 'house church'. A concept I quietly cringed at inside. However, when the lights went down and the candles were lit and we began singing some songs, most of which I was not very familiar with, the atmosphere changed and I was happy to be present there. We also read some poems and prayers from a book someone had brought along. One of the most interesting and moving parts of the night was when we decided to stop scoffing at past experiences of church and songs which evoked unpleasant or other memories and to honour the path that had brought us to where we were at now. One of the things I honour is that as a lad raised in the Salvation Army where services were much more personal and introspective, and yes in some respect purposefully emotive, but they were experiences of an intimate and personal relationship with God. I will never forget how they took a broken sad person and made his life meaningful and purposeful. It was a time when even as an 11 year old I knew that my response to God's love of me would be to share God's love with others. I knew that one day I would be a minister or priest or as it turns out a religious.

When we talked about favourite and or meaningful songs I didn't feel like sharing my story. I don't know why, the people there are people who I admire, trust and respect with all my being. I think it was perhaps feeling a little too vulnerable and not wanting to open a crack which might grow into something else.

My song is simple, not too many words

all that you need is a miracle
all that you need can be yours
all that you need is available
the moment you turn to the Lord

As I said, simple, yet to me a powerful and profound statement which really impacted on my life in major way. There was (and perhaps still are) a time when I did need a miracle. Not some profound rise up and walk miracle; but a miracle where I could discover that no matter what the sadness and trials in my life there was one person who loved me - completely and wholly just as I am. And I realised God offered everything I needed. I needed nothing in my life but to be in the presence of God. To learn to love God so deeply in the same way I saw the love between my mom and my dad. To be in love with God. I realised too that this miracle was available and all I had to do was to accept the gift that God was offering. Just like the woman at the well who realised the gift that God was offering through the person of Jesus.

I'm far from the perfect disciple. But which of us is. And I so tire of people who want to put me up as some role model perfect Christian just because I wear a brown dress. But I don't need to be perfect (just as others should not need me to be perfect) I just need to serve God as best as I can and continue to strive toward that time when I can be so in love with God that we become one.

The other great quiet moment with God was tonight. It was the anniversary of my godson's baptism. Myself and one of his other godparents and his parents shared a meal together (ps I love Tacos) and then after we sang a brief Taize chant Bless the Lord my soul and lit his Baptismal candle followed by a brief prayer for him and us and a final song The Lord is my light. It was great to honour the anniversary of his Baptism this way (and remind us of our own). But more so, it reminded me of the great honour of being asked to be a godparent. These days it often means nothing. But this little experience showed me that this is an important request and how humbling it is to be asked to walk along side another human being and be able to share 'our Christian story' with him that one day he might choose to continue that journey himself.

I'm thankfull for loving friends. Who are my spiritual rocks. Who keep me anchored in the times when the waters are rough and remind me that all that we need to do is turn to God and the seas will be calmed.

So, quiet moments with God can be found in many places. And if you're reading this and you need a miracle in your life then look around and see that all you need is available, all you need to do is turn to the Lord.

Dark Nights of the Soul

Dark nights of the soul... we all have them, those moments in your pilgrimage toward God when you question your faith; moments when you find yourself asking questions like do I still believe? I have moments like this. But I don't think in reality that it is a question of whether I believe in God or not, because I think I always will. As I said I cannot look around me at the wonder of creation and question (let alone deny) the existence of a 'creator of the heavens and earth'.

I think my 'dark night of the soul' that I'm experiencing at the moment is the need to feel the very real presence of God in and around me. However, when I look around me I see spiritual (let alone religous) apathy. And what's more, I am failing more and more to be spiritually nourished in my own parish. Perhaps this says more about me than the parish community. Furthermore, I don't just experience this apathy in my life in the parish, but also in my life as the programmes coordinator of a spirituality centre. I'm struggling to find ways to get people to show an interest in their spiritual development. Perhaps they don't need it, perhaps they get it from somewhere else other than what we offer, perhaps people are just too tired and too busy. Whatever the reason it gets me down to think that myself and the people facilitating the various spirituality programs go to a lot of effort to make these opportunities available but the uptake of the offering is often small, if at all.

As I said, I don't think this is so much as a problem for others as it is for me. What I mean is, when I first started attending church I fell in love with God. For me, being at chuch meant being in God's house in much the same way as one wants to be in the house of the person they are dating or are in love with. What's more, I wanted everyone to know about the love of God that I experienced, and that they could experience it to. Church services were a place where we come together to celebrate our love of God. We would sing praises and thanksgiving to God as we would sing love songs to a lover. The preaching was always like an invitation to enter into a loving relationship with the God who loves us, it was real and personal and it touched right to the very core of my heart. I could feel the presence of God in and around me. In the people, the songs of praise, the preaching and just about everything around me said here I am. I am with you.

As I said I wanted everyone to experience this great love of God. God, for me, offered so much life and the thought that I could have this life for all eternity was nothing less than excstatic. So I've always wanted to share my experience of God with others. I want for others what I experienced, the overflowing love of God in and through me.

However, my world today seems like this passion is dying out. I feel as though I am trying to give this love to a world that does not want it. I feel a little bit rejected by a world who rejects my lover. I want so much to tell them about my lover but they don't seem to be interested. They are too busy, too egocentric, too materialistic, too all embracing. I find Christianity to have become so watered down, so PC that the world can no longer see just how much of a gift it is that God gives, just how much God's love is for us, just how much by embracing the love of the lover that we can have life eternal. The world does not see the relevance for God because the world has taken the reality of God's love and blessing and replaced it with a belief in their golden calves.

So as I said, perhaps my dark night of the soul is a need to return to a time when I could feel God around me in worship, in relationships and in the people around me. But as I cannot control those things perhaps I need to find new ways to experience that same excstatic love once again in my life with God.

What do you believe

Br Gabriel and I recently spent two weeks visiting All Soul's St Gabriel's School in Charters Towers. This is my third such visit to ASSG. During our time there we had opportunity to spend time with each of the year levels (5-12). In a session with Yr 11 we played a short segment from the video The Power of One. In this segment Gideon Duma is trying to engage PK to set up a school to teach english. PK is resistant to the idea - especially as Gideon is trying to use the legend of 'the rainmaker' to motivate people to participate in Gideon's plans to have his people learn english. PK reminds Gideon that neither of them believe in the myth of 'the rainmaker'. Gideon responds by saying he will use anything if it will bring hope to his people and free them from the effects of apartheid. In the final part of the exchange Gideon challenges PK by saying 'what do you believe in'. We then invited the students to select one or two photos we had laid out which describes what it is they believe in. I think this was a bit of a challenge for most of them but there were some interesting responses non the less.

This of course prompted me to reflect on what it is that I believe in; it was then that I realised the enormity of the task I had laid out for the Yr 11s. It is not as straight forward an answer as one might first think. To answer that question I have to explain my backward logic. You see, I look around me at the wonder of creation, of all that lives and breathes and ask myself the question where did all this come from. When you begin to answer that question you invariably come to y was created by x and so forth untill you reach the first created thing, and that which created it is that which cannot be created or destroyed. We Christians refer to this eternally existing entity as 'God'.

Thus I believe in 'the maker of heaven and earth of all things seen and unseen'. To people who want to challenge my belief of this I offer a counter challenge - if you can create so much as a hydrogen atom using only the contents of an absolute vacuum then I'll believe what ever you want. I'm being a bit flippant but the point is that whatever created that which is created would be 'God'.

How we understand 'God' has become widely skewed by language, culture, time. As human beings we can only communicate our experience of 'God' in human language. In doing so we invariably anthropomorphise (given human qualities and characteristics) 'God'. We describe 'God' in human terms giving 'God' human traits and identity. The trouble with this is that we begin to view and understand 'God' as a human being which immediately narrows our understanding to the level at which we understand ourselves. As Christians we rely on preceeding generations of people from various languages and cultures to inform our understanding of the nature of 'God'. We have to try and interpret their experience of 'God' expressed in falible human language across time and culture; perhaps comparing and contrasting this to our own experience of 'God'.

So can we ever fully comprehend 'God'. This is where discussions often get very interesting, and sometimes heated. As a Christian I believe that in the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God... and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. You see, I like others, believe that the Divine Being became incarnate in human flesh in the person of Jesus of Nazareth. As the human incarnation of the Divine Jesus was both human and Divine; that as a person Jesus retains all the qualities, attributes, essence of 'God' as well as those of humanity. Thus in Jesus we can begin to understand in our own simple human frail way something of the nature of 'God'.

Thus I believe that in order to understand 'God' we must first begin to understand Jesus. The teachings and ministry of Jesus as reported in the New Testament are underpinned by a profound message; 'God' is the ultimate expression of love, compassion and sacrifice.

Furthermore, 'God' calls us to become expressions of this same sense of love, compassion and sacrifice and in so doing we come into union with 'God'. As both 'God' and Man Jesus shows us the way to 'God'; the way by which we become one with 'God'. Our task then is to so model our lives on Jesus that we become 'God' like. It is through Jesus that we have 'life like God'.

Religion is born out of this desire to understand and partake in the nature and life of 'God'. Many young people told me that they have no need for religion - it's outdated, unnecessary, corrupt, irrelevant and some other more choice words.

When I look around the world, at the increasing violence, exploitation of the poor and marginalised, destruction of the environment, I ask myself why it is that young people do not see religion as an option. Religion might be not its best advertisement but the message of 'God' incarnate - Jesus - remains relevant, necessary and its integrity intact. If religion, Christianity, offers nothing to those who would dismiss it surely it offers hope and a way out of certain death for an imploding world.

My prayer for these young cynics is that they might experience the ultimate expression of love, compassion and sacrifice revealed to us in 'God' incarnate Jesus. That they might look passed the human frailty of the Church and see that it offers them hope and deliverance.

Inspired to Blog

We are pilgrims on a journey and companions on the road... so go the lyrics from the Servant Song; where I stole the words for the title of this blog. My intention is to share with you some of my journey. So if you are bored and have nothing to do while at work feel free to drop by sometime and share the journey with me, you would be most welcome.

I was inspired to start this blog through reading my best friend Matt's Bogosity Blog. Though I'm not a techo computer wiz like Matt so I cheated and used Blogger.com to start things moving; instead of putting it off until I can work out the techo program he uses.

I'm not sure what this will look like in the coming days, months, as I've always been one to start and stop written journals... all good intentions... but hopeless with the follow through. So as the old 12 steps say... one day at a time.

Well its bout time to get organised for Mass so I'll dash now and see you all later.